#AddressNotSuppress |What is your aura? What type of energy are you putting out there? @phetteogburn

Aura – a distinctive air or quality considered to be characteristic of a person or thing.

What is your aura? What type of energy are you emitting?

About 10 years ago, it hit me. Even though I was told several times by different people, it finally hit me…I was exuding a sexual aura. Not in the way I dressed, which is visually obvious when we think of a sexually attractive person…like Jessica Rabbit (the only example I can think of at the moment), but in my mentality, the way I viewed certain things.

A little background
I come from a family who doesn’t show affection. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve hugged my mom, and the number of times we’ve said I LOVE YOU are even fewer than that. So, very early on, before I was a teenager, I sought attention elsewhere.

I wasn’t exposed to healthy relationships, and assumed that everyone cheated. Like, it was the norm. The thing to do. With that, I never fully committed to anyone and viewed those I came in “contact” with as sexual conquests, devoid of any real emotion.

Pair & A Spare
When I was 19 years old, a 40-year-old friend of mine told me to always have “backup.” Never rely simply on one person. I lived by this for more than half of my life.

Per my therapist, I did this because of my notion that no one is going to stick around anyway, physically, emotionally, or otherwise, so why bother getting attached. This is also known as abandonment issues…from my dad not being around and my mom not being emotionally available.

You get what you put out
I kept hopping into relationships knowing I wasn’t willing to do the work. In essence, I was unavailable. So that’s the type of people I attracted.

FOUR exes got married after we broke up
Yup, you read that right. Four. And I blamed everyone but myself. While this was a devastating blow to my self-esteem, it helped me to examine my patterns and get honest with myself. What I discovered — I got exactly what I asked for.

How I Overcame
Once I dug deep and got honest with myself, I realized not only did I not know myself, I didn’t LOVE MYSELF. When I started speaking of and believing my worth, what I deserve, what I truly want, things began to shift and align with my requests. I was no longer emitting that “sex only” energy. That “side chick” energy. That “just good enough” energy.

Now, I attract those who see me. Who see my worth. Who value me and my time…because that’s how I view ME!

When you love yourself, wholeheartedly, you will not accept anything substandard. Period. That’s how I overcame getting married on FOUR TIMES!!!

Tell me, what is your aura? What type of energy are you feeding the world?

Like, share, subscribe, and comment.

Remember, don’t stop until you get there. ~Phette

The Author Formerly Known As…Phette Ogburn

Happy Sunday y’all.

I’m back again with a super short post & vid.

Some of you may have noticed that my website is http://www.phetteogburn.com and my Facebook is now Phette HOLLINS. Why is that?

My married name was OGBURN. When I got divorced almost 2 years ago, I went back to my maiden name. I am in the process of changing my website but am torn as to whether or not I should change my name as an author. My books are published under OGBURN, and I think it would cause more headache for me to start writing under my maiden name. I’m thinking about keeping OGBURN as it relates to my books and just use it as my pen name. What do y’all think? Does it even matter? Do y’all care one way or the other?

#Cheetah4UJai

To honor my cousin Jessica’s memory, her friends, my family & I rock cheetah print (and purple) because she loved it and wore it on a regular. Soooo…..

If you have pics of you rocking cheetah, send them to me at: hollinsphette@gmail.com OR follow me on Twitter and Facebook and make sure to add the hashtag #Cheetah4UJai, & I will shout you out on one or all of my social media channels.

Check out the vid for more details. And don’t forget to Like…share…subscribe…and comment. That’s not a whole lot to ask, is it?

Vlog Update and what I’ve been up to @phetteogburn #Cheetah4UJai #AddressNotSuppress

Merry New Year y’all!!!!

Yes, I know it’s good & February, but this is my 1st post of the year. It’s been a trying past few months, but I’m bizzack!!!!

This post is about what I’ve been doing & what’s to come.

BUT first, check out my new hair

Crochet Braids/Senegalese Twists

Crochet Braids/Senegalese Twists

Being the avid YouTuber that I am, I stumbled across the protective style: crochet braids. It’s easy & low-maintenance.

I was never a fan of weave before, mainly because I’ve always had long hair and didn’t really see a need to wear weave. But…NOW…I don’t think I’ll ever wear my real hair again. Not EVER!!! :)

Ok, so, enough about my hair.

Where the heck have I been?

Many of you know I lost my cousin in a house fire on Sunday, September 28, 2014, read that blog post HERE!!! In addition to coping with that, my laptop, that was accidentally stepped on (NOT BY ME) last year

Accidentally stepped on laptop

Accidentally stepped on laptop

, the screen eventually ended up going all black…thus becoming inoperable. Grrrr….

What I’m working on

While my computer was down, I scripted a new web series (Title to be revealed later on)…BY HAND…the Old Skool pen & paper & black & white notebook. YUP!!! I wrote 10 mini, webisodes. Talk about determination.

Address NOT Suppress

In an attempt to become more consistent and hold myself accountable, I’m going to post weekly episodes of Address NOT Suppress on Sundays!!! I want to prove to those of you who look forward to my messages that I am serious about helping you heal so that you can become your best version of YOU…’cuz, that’s what it’s all about, right?

#Cheetah4UJai

To honor my cousin Jessica’s memory, her friends, my family & I rock cheetah print (and purple) because she loved it and wore it on a regular. Soooo…..

If you have pics of you rocking cheetah, send them to me at: hollinsphette@gmail.com OR follow me on Twitter and Facebook and make sure to add the hashtag #Cheetah4UJai, & I will shout you out on one or all of my social media channels.

Check out the vid for more details. And don’t forget to Like…share…subscribe…and comment. That’s not a whole lot to ask, is it?

Losing my cousin, Jessica LaTrease Jones

Heyyy y’all.

I’ve been away for a few weeks and I’m gonna tell you why. Something unexpectedly tragic happened to me and my family. I lost my FIRST cousin in a house fire.

If you’ve been following my YouTube Channel, Address NOT Suppress Series, there’s one particular segment where I talk about my Family. In a nutshell, I grew up not knowing anyone on my paternal side and only my grandmother, an uncle, an aunt & her 2 kids on my maternal side. The unfortunate part about it all is, I come from a ginormous family. Like I mentioned in the video, my father has something like 8, 9, or 10 siblings. My maternal grandmother had 3 brothers, which one of them has, like, 13 kids alone. I did grow up with a host of “adopted” cousins, aunts, uncles. But for the sake of this post, I’m referring to blood kinfolks.

My Aunt Regina, my mother’s baby sister, is my favorite aunt because she was a constant in my life. She taught me to drive. Took me everywhere she went. We were joined at the hip. And because we’re similar in complexion and both used to rock long, straight hair, people thought she was my mom.

My oldest daughter, Reyonna, and my aunt’s 2 kids, Jessica and Jamaal, were raised as if they were all siblings. There’s a picture that was taken at Olan Mills (indication of how old the pic is) of the 4 of them. Yup. Just them. My aunt held a newborn Reyonna while her children flanked by her sides. Those were all her chirren. I just so happened to birth one of ’em. :)

Jessica & Reyonna were joined at the hip, like their parents used to be…

There’s an 8 year age gap between Regina & I; 11 years between Jessica & me; and 7 years between Jessica & Reyonna. Just like I looked up to Regina, Reyonna looked up to Jessica. Like I said, they were sisters more so than cousins.

In 2006, Jessica & I were prego at the same time…

My, then, 19 year old cousin reached out to me for advice on the best way to tell her mom (my favorite aunt) that she was pregnant. She knew I was a young mom when I had Reyonna and felt my opinion was important.

“How did you tell Auntie Selina when you were pregnant with ReRe?”

“I wrote a letter.”

Then she laughed that raspy, goofy way that she did. I found out later she texted her mom the news. Sign of the times…LOL.

In my 39 years, I had yet to experience the loss of anyone close to me. Reyonna’s father passed in August 2012. That was pretty close and I was deeply saddened, but losing my first cousin, who I watched grow up and establish a tight bond with my daughter impacted me in a completely different way.

Jessica & Reyonna partied September 27th, 2014 ~The night before…

I’ll never, ever forget. I plopped down on my sectional with my laptop. But before I got started, I called my mom to wish her a Happy 58th Birthday. She emphasized that she didn’t have anything planned but watching sports. Soon as I hung up, my aunt Regina called, looking for Reyonna.

I informed her that Reyonna was over a friend’s house and that she could reach her there if she wanted. She said “alright.” That was it. Just one word. And from that one word, I could hear that her voice was shaky. I come from a family where we all act tough, like hard asses. Never exposing our mushiness, softness, or vulnerable side. In laymen’s terms, I’ve never seen my aunt cry. Not at her dad’s funeral nor when her son Jamaal’s fathered was killed. So, needless to say, I can detect a shaky voice, especially when coming from her.

I called right back and didn’t get an answer. I was in panic mode for a nanosecond because I knew what I heard and was determined to get to the bottom of it STAT. When I went to press redial, my grandmother called. I knew something was up.

She asked was Reyonna home, too. At this point I’m like why are y’all looking for ReRe. She said “Jessica’s house is on fire…and they found a body.” Surprisingly, I did not panic because I was 100% certain that it wasn’t Jessica. Not because I had any proof of such, but simply because I was in denial.

“OK. So where is Jessica?” I asked my grandmother.

Even though it was her house and I was just told that a body was found, I asked my grandmother where Jessica was. Straight up denial. Then my aunt called me back and said “I think Jessica might be dead.” She was full-blown crying. I told her I was on my way and got there in record time.

My whole body trembled as I walked around the corner from my grandmother’s house to Jessica’s. There were already a bunch of folks on the scene, including the police and firemen. You could hear howls and screams of heartache and pain as we all waited in anticipation for someone to disclose who the hell’s body was in that house. Because we all knew it wasn’t Jessica. We all hoped it wasn’t Jessica. We all prayed to all the deities known to man that it wasn’t my little cousin, though a grown woman, Jessica LaTrease Jones.

September 29, 2014 ~The Morgue

Seeing her face on the screen made it really real. Reyonna, then me, then my cousin Dee Dee, then my Aunt Regina…one by one, broke down. The office worker briefly prepared us for what we were about to see. He said one side of her face was badly burned but not that bad. Then he flicked on the monitor. “Is that her?” He asked Regina. She nodded and softly said yes, closed her eyes, and lowered her head.

After several minutes, we gained some composure. We were all able to look at our Jessica, though 20 times darker than her normal complexion and with charred flesh to the right side of her face, and find a little resolve.

“Her lashes are still on. We know how she loved her lashes.” Reyonna broke the thick tension of sadness.

We all chuckled and agreed.

“You’re still beautiful, girl.” Reyonna said before slightly breaking down again.

Pain is information trying to tell you something. ~Susan Taylor

With all healing, we must nurture the root of the pain. The loss of my cousin is devastatingly painful, for a few reasons.

**I empathize for her son, DJ, who has to grow up without his mother.

**In addition, I feel sad for the pain my daughter, Reyonna, is experiencing, as well as those who were truly close to her. Friendship is a treasure, and I can only imagine the emptiness Jessica friends feel.

**Her vibrant presence is gone. There’s no question that when Jessica walked up in the place, any place, you felt it. She was tall, lean, physically fit, beautiful, loud, personable, and loving. Who wouldn’t miss someone like this?

How I’m coping with the pain…

1. The number one thing that is helping me deal with this loss is knowing that she no longer has to struggle, while dealing with the ills of this world. She no longer has to tire endlessly looking for a job nor deal with personal issues. She’s at peace.

2. Knowing that she lived life to its fullest. She unashamedly and unapologetically did what she wanted. I respected her for that.

3. DJ’s father and paternal grandmother are the best anyone can have. So, he will be more than okay.

I know my posts usually aren’t this long and you’re probably feeling like you’re reading a dissertation, but it’s for a good reason. Plus…I’m almost done. :)

To Jessika (she informally changed the “C” to a “K” when she was in high school),
Thanks for blessing me with your no nonsense but caring demeanor and, not to mention, your hella fashion sense. From here on out, I will rock cheetah print in your honor and hold you 4ever in my heart.

To her friends and family, be a beacon of light. Give love and live life without regrets…the Jai way.

With much love,

Phette (fee~ETT)

jaicheetah

How I found my passion & how you can, too! — @phetteogburn

Heyyyy…and, did y’all enjoy the weekend? Mine was spent having a sleepover for my almost 8 year old (her birthday’s tomorrow, 9/15). They had tons of fun and actually didn’t stress me out as much as I thought they would.

As I was cleaning up the mess my daughter made hiding in my closet as the others seeked (yes I said it) her, I found on the floor 2 pieces of paper where I wrote down the results to a personality test. I’ve taken a gazillion of these tests over the years, but this was the first one that registered. This was 2 years ago.

According to the test, I am an:  INFP – Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver.

Introvert = I like to spend time alone, and I listen more than I talk.

Intuitive = I get bored quickly and I like new ideas and concepts.

Feeler = I naturally like to please others, show appreciation easily and desire to be appreciated.

Perceiver = I’m happiest keeping my options open and I have a “play now” work ethic.

The 2 things that stand out in this assessment are:

  1. I would most thrive teaching and counseling and helping others to grow  & develop their human potential.
  2. I would enjoy the process of understanding others as I come to understand myself.

EUREKA!!!!! #2 Is exactly what my Address NOT Suppress Healing Series is about. I did not know, however, that I was walking in this process until I found those 2 pieces of paper and it was confirmation that I’d, in fact, been listening.

So, what is your purpose? Do you know what you are here to do?

I watched a Ted Talk by Adam Leipzig called How to know your life purpose in 5 minutes. This sealed the deal for me. I followed what he said and came up with my purpose. After watching my vid, please check out his, if you or someone you know needs help finding what it is they’re meant to do.

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My many personalities…ALL are authentically ME! @phetteogburn

Hiiiii!!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying this Labor Day. I’m off work today, but I’ve been working on my new home: unpacking, putting up pictures and finally got around to getting my blinds put up. It’s finally feeling like home and starting to look lived in. :-D

This week’s vid is is about my many personalities and how everyone has them… NOT just Geminis –who get a bad rep. We are all multi-faceted and not one dimensional. Having different personalities makes for more fun anyways. :-D

I made this video because I was told that I look mean, unapproachable…aloof, which is to the contrary. I am a serious person by nature and am always, always, always thinking, in deep thought, thinking of a master plan. Those things warrant a serious face, ya know? But moving on, just wanted to share that there are other sides to me, fun sides. And if you see me in these streets, don’t be afraid to speak. Promise I’ll speak back.

Here is a link to the YouTube Channel of the weekly dance/fitness/hustle class I attend: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_bu4R34xYN-jKUwIKMipuw/videos

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What is your pain trying to tell you? @phetteogburn

Hi y’all. I’m back.

The reason for my one week delay is because my laptop is semi-functional and causing me some grief…

laptopFor a couple of days, it wouldn’t allow me to log in. Now that I’m able to log in, I have to be crafty and minimize the programs I’m working in just right AND to the right in order to accomplish anything. :-(  Guess it’s better than not having a computer at all, right?

OK, now about this quick video, I attended a Girls Empowerment Workshop back in 2003, where former Editor-In-Chief of Essence magazine –Susan Taylor, was the keynote. She said a quote that has stuck with me since then: Pain is information trying to tell you something. Whenever you feel anger, sadness, bitterness, etc., whatever adjective you associate with pain, pay attention because that’s information alerting you that something’s amiss.

Let me know what you think. Remember, ADDRESS NOT SUPPRESS. In order to heal, you gotta keep it real. –fee~ETT

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